We're all hiding something.

I hide things from people all the time, I suspect I'm not alone in this. It's feelings I'm hiding most of the time, though I do confess to hiding certain annoying children's toys for my own sanity, my husband's birthday presents and the occasional chocolate bar on a high shelf so little hands can't reach.

I'm beginning to think there is little point in any of this hiding business - the loud toys usually give themselves away. I can't keep a secret where gifts are concerned (usually because I'm just so excited about giving them, I want the receiver to be excited too, suspense is overrated). My kids have an inbuilt chocolate sniffing radar with a radius of 1.5 miles and can scale the kitchen cabinets like spiderman after a can of coke, though they usually share their find. Feelings have a habit of building up if hidden and surfacing sooner or later.

I hide my feelings from those close to me as well as from the well meaning Sunday enquirer:
"How's things? Alright?"
(usual reply) " yes, thanks. Busy.".....rush off to collect children, check pigeon hole and give vital messages to 3 people.

Sound vaguely familiar? Real life you might think. Yes, I know I can't pour my little heart out for half an hour with each person who asks. But, why aren't I braver sometimes or at least a bit more honest.

Here's an imaginary replay:

"Hi, Gill - how's things? Alright?"

...pause...think..."Oh, Hi -------(insert name) thanks for asking, work's OK. Though actually, I'm feeling pretty tired today and have been struggling quite a bit with being patient with the kids - I can be so horrid to them, it scares me."

(taken slightly aback by honesty of reply) "I'm glad your jobs going well, I didn't realise you struggled with the kids (ha ha) but I can pray about that for you if you want...."

"Thank you, really appreciate that (weight lifted) See you later"....Rush off to collect slightly scowling children, check pigeon hole and forget not-so-vital message for 3 people. That's why texting was invented.

Sounds simple doesn't it? I rarely do this.

There's something else I need to do more of: Take my feelings directly to God, right away.
I'm quite a slow learner, it seems. I'm not saying something new, something we all don't know. The practice is somewhat trickier.

I am learning that to hide my feelings from others is silly, but to hide them from God is plain stupid and detrimental to my spiritual life and relationship with Him. For a start, He knows them already, secondly He wants me to share them all with him (yes, ALL! - anger, frustration, despair, joy, excitement, fear, petty annoyances, disappointment...an endless list.) He wants me to depend on Him. God wants us to surrender our feelings to him. To stop hiding them in a feeble attempt at dealing with them by ourselves. Ideal scenario then:

Stop...pray "Lord, I'm feeling pretty ------------ (insert feeling) help me to trust you and to rely on you to help me deal with this feeling. I know you love me and understand my feelings......" (weight lifted, spirit comforted, relationship with God closer)

It's an amazing to remember that Jesus himself knows whatever feelings I have right now, he experienced them for himself.

I love the song 'surrender' which says: 'I'm singing you this song, I'm waiting at the cross, and all the world holds dear, I count it all as loss. For the sake of knowing you, the glory of your name, to know the lasting joy, even sharing in your pain, and I surrender all to you, all to you. And I surrender all to you, all to you.' I'm going to put this song on now, REALLY loud (to drown out some noisy toy with an overactive battery) and use it as a prayer. I might even cry, to be honest. For the sake of knowing God - I have to surrender ALL - that includes my feelings. The good, the bad and the ugly.

I'm determined, with Jesus' help, not to hide my feelings anymore. Definately not from Him and as far as possible not from you. So, be careful what you ask me when you see me, are you prepared to get an honest answer! I hope the answers I recieve from others from now on will be heartfelt and help me to pray for them. Go on be brave, the person you choose to share your feelings with has probably felt the same thing at some point. Go on, be brave - share them first with God. He knows already, He wants you to.

'hide (hid) To conceal; to put out of or withhold from sight; to secrete; to cover up; to keep secret, to withold from the knowledge of.' The Concise English Dictionary.

I've included an audio visual version of surrender on the video bar opposite.