Summer Holidays - Survival or Joy?

A high pitched chorus in whinging unison "Muuuuuuuuum" reaches my ears for what seems like the three hundred and thirty third time already today and it's only 10am!

This is my umpteenth attempt at putting some words (of wisdom? ha ha) into my blog in the last month. My success in achieving a few thrown together thoughts today will depend very much on how long I can ignore my children's want of constant attention and how much patience God will enable me to display in the next half hour.

The Summer holidays are long if not hot here in the beautiful south of England and I'm like the many many other mothers nearing the end of this break - very tired and totally lacking in any more creative ideas to entertain my young. I look back at the past few weeks and thank God for some really wonderful family times, we've got some great photo's and good times to talk about in the future. I also look back and sigh....I'm almost there and I've survived! I'll be honest. I don't find the holidays easy. I love my children and have lots of fun with them, but it's jolly hard work. I'm a working Mum ( so I'm allowed to say this) It's harder than my paid work. There are parts that are not fun, there are things I really struggle with, things about motherhood that really get me down. Arguing, bickering and fighting between them is the main one. If you're reading this and have more than one child and they don't do this, I'd love to hear from you as I've been led to believe it's a common problem. If you're reading this and have one child - the struggle may not be exactly the same but there are plenty of parenting 'pits' that I'm sure would affect you in the same way. If you're reading this and don't have any children at all, don't be smug! The lessons I learned were from God and about me, not really about childrearing at all.

Unfortunately If you're after the solution to sibling squibbles in the next paragraph you're going to be disappointed, however this is a simple breakdown of my recent experience of holiday survival!

1. Got irritated and annoyed with them and then at myself at being a sub-standard parent.

2. Got very upset at my own inability to cope with the endless diagreements.

3. Read a book donated by my helpful Mum-in-law called 'Parenting isn't for cowards (no kidding!)- dealing confidently with the frustrations of child rearing by Dr. James C. Dobson

4. Briefly encouraged, waded into battlefield situations with positive 'new' tips. Someworked, some failed -some quite spectacularly!

5.Reached mental breaking point.

6. Sought wisdom from an experienced, Godly mother (of 3 now grown-up boys) who pointed me straight to the wisdom in God's word and prayed with me about my struggles and listened in love and who helped more than she understands.

What I learned this summer (apart from how to ignore bickering children):

What a blessing it is to have someone to turn to.

What an amazing thing to be able to ask God for help and to recieve it.

What a very stupid thing to delay seeking help until things become depressing and desperate.

I live in such busy times, but I've learned (once more...have you noticed that as adults it's rarely new lessons we learn, just the same ones over and over) to stop and to turn to God in the tough times, to lean not on my own understanding. Admitting you're struggling and asking for help is a hard thing to do when you're the one used to helping others out. I think I forgot (again) who's strength I need and I think that my summer has shown me I can't 'Mother' without God's help and quite frankly I can't do anything else without it too. He really is the strength in my weakness.

'You, God, are awesome in your sanctuary; the God of Israel gives power and strength to his people. Praise be to God!' Psalm 68:35

Reasons to enjoy being a girl: part 1

This one's lighthearted.....so sorry if you were after deep and meaningful thoughts.
I love being a girl, or is it a lady/woman now?....I prefer girl.
Being female is fab, I'm glad that's what God made me.
Here's a few resons why:

1. You can colour co-ordinate your outfit without your friends laughing at you...in fact it's actively encouraged.

2. You are expected to enjoy eating chocolate - made by the aztecs as an aphrodisiac, popularised and established by puritans and quakers (Mr. Cadbury himself) as upright family businesses in Europe. Can't be bad then.

3. Crying is expected, feel no shame. Happy?...you can cry. Sad? Absolutely. Just plain confused or exasperated? Crying can help......in fact

4. Sudden or frequent displays of emotion are ok if you're a girl. My survey (of a random range of females) said hugging was the most popular.

5. Being giggly is ok if you're female, NOT if you're male.

Ahh there are loads more reasons.....think I'll interspurse my 'reasons' entries between more serious articles. Watch this space!
(Any of your own reasons to add please mail me at gilliantuck@gmail.com so I can steal your ideas for entries 6-10! I'm aiming for 100....)

Encouraging Discouragements

I've had one of those weeks, I think you know the kind I mean. When everything conspires against you to bring you down, when the little things become too large and when curling up in bed and going to sleep until the next week starts seems the best option. There's been no major event in my life that could possibly warrant such a downturn in my spirits, but I'm assured by several good books and more than a handful of real life Christians that times like this are normal.

Normal, yes. Easy, no. I've (notice the word!) tried cheering myself up. You might be familiar with the routine - count your blessings - even write them down, have a little shopping trip - nothing too extravagant, just a little material pick-me-up, read a funny book, watch a funny movie, phone a cheerie friend (who incidently was out! how inconsiderate!!). Solutions to 'the doldrums' tried and tested by countless women I'm sure. Methods that don't help, well not in the long run anyway. Eventually the lightbulb appears comically above my head and I stop trying and do the thing I should have done before spending my money, lifting the phone or watching that film ('The Wedding Singer' in case you were wondering, very funny if you lived through the eighties). I lifted my Bible and spend some time and energy in prayer. It might surprise you to know that this didn't magically and instantaniously transform my day, or the rest of my week for that matter. Even today, Sunday, walking back to the car after a wonderful church service I overheard a short conversation which discouraged me again. But what that simple act of faith in turning to God did was to reassure me that I'm normal and taught me to hold on. A lady called Eugenia Price puts it like this:

'I no longer panic at dry or so-called dark periods....I learned long ago that if those times didn't come, we wouldn't be normal. How we feel- how I feel 'spiritually'- seems less and less relevant. What matters is that God is constant. He is the only constant.'

My husband and I had a chat this week about discouraging things, the things that are getting us down and effecting us. He pointed out that we should be encouraged that satan is bothering with us at all. Of course, it's easy to attribute things to the devil, but after some thought I've realised there's no other origin for discouragements as God is the source of all things good.

I often find that I'm drawn to songs which express times in my journey with God - there's always a song that your soul can cry out to God. There have been two this week that have helped me reflect on what God wants me to learn. They're both from the same album - so if you feel the urge to shop for whatever reason, your money wouldn't be wasted on Lou Fellingham's 'Treasure'. The track hard pressed starts: 'I am hard pressed on every side but I'm not crushed' When I'm down I know God is constant and I also know that with God the discouragements of life will never crush me. The other song which has helped me begins: 'You give rest to the weary, you bring strength to the weak. As they wait in your presence, there is grace for their need...'

So, if you're barely clinging on and feeling discouraged, don't let my story encourage you, let God's abundant grace encourage you, His constant, unchanging grace.

The book which made me laugh is 'Not A Super-Saint' by Liz Hansford.

We're all hiding something.

I hide things from people all the time, I suspect I'm not alone in this. It's feelings I'm hiding most of the time, though I do confess to hiding certain annoying children's toys for my own sanity, my husband's birthday presents and the occasional chocolate bar on a high shelf so little hands can't reach.

I'm beginning to think there is little point in any of this hiding business - the loud toys usually give themselves away. I can't keep a secret where gifts are concerned (usually because I'm just so excited about giving them, I want the receiver to be excited too, suspense is overrated). My kids have an inbuilt chocolate sniffing radar with a radius of 1.5 miles and can scale the kitchen cabinets like spiderman after a can of coke, though they usually share their find. Feelings have a habit of building up if hidden and surfacing sooner or later.

I hide my feelings from those close to me as well as from the well meaning Sunday enquirer:
"How's things? Alright?"
(usual reply) " yes, thanks. Busy.".....rush off to collect children, check pigeon hole and give vital messages to 3 people.

Sound vaguely familiar? Real life you might think. Yes, I know I can't pour my little heart out for half an hour with each person who asks. But, why aren't I braver sometimes or at least a bit more honest.

Here's an imaginary replay:

"Hi, Gill - how's things? Alright?"

...pause...think..."Oh, Hi -------(insert name) thanks for asking, work's OK. Though actually, I'm feeling pretty tired today and have been struggling quite a bit with being patient with the kids - I can be so horrid to them, it scares me."

(taken slightly aback by honesty of reply) "I'm glad your jobs going well, I didn't realise you struggled with the kids (ha ha) but I can pray about that for you if you want...."

"Thank you, really appreciate that (weight lifted) See you later"....Rush off to collect slightly scowling children, check pigeon hole and forget not-so-vital message for 3 people. That's why texting was invented.

Sounds simple doesn't it? I rarely do this.

There's something else I need to do more of: Take my feelings directly to God, right away.
I'm quite a slow learner, it seems. I'm not saying something new, something we all don't know. The practice is somewhat trickier.

I am learning that to hide my feelings from others is silly, but to hide them from God is plain stupid and detrimental to my spiritual life and relationship with Him. For a start, He knows them already, secondly He wants me to share them all with him (yes, ALL! - anger, frustration, despair, joy, excitement, fear, petty annoyances, disappointment...an endless list.) He wants me to depend on Him. God wants us to surrender our feelings to him. To stop hiding them in a feeble attempt at dealing with them by ourselves. Ideal scenario then:

Stop...pray "Lord, I'm feeling pretty ------------ (insert feeling) help me to trust you and to rely on you to help me deal with this feeling. I know you love me and understand my feelings......" (weight lifted, spirit comforted, relationship with God closer)

It's an amazing to remember that Jesus himself knows whatever feelings I have right now, he experienced them for himself.

I love the song 'surrender' which says: 'I'm singing you this song, I'm waiting at the cross, and all the world holds dear, I count it all as loss. For the sake of knowing you, the glory of your name, to know the lasting joy, even sharing in your pain, and I surrender all to you, all to you. And I surrender all to you, all to you.' I'm going to put this song on now, REALLY loud (to drown out some noisy toy with an overactive battery) and use it as a prayer. I might even cry, to be honest. For the sake of knowing God - I have to surrender ALL - that includes my feelings. The good, the bad and the ugly.

I'm determined, with Jesus' help, not to hide my feelings anymore. Definately not from Him and as far as possible not from you. So, be careful what you ask me when you see me, are you prepared to get an honest answer! I hope the answers I recieve from others from now on will be heartfelt and help me to pray for them. Go on be brave, the person you choose to share your feelings with has probably felt the same thing at some point. Go on, be brave - share them first with God. He knows already, He wants you to.

'hide (hid) To conceal; to put out of or withhold from sight; to secrete; to cover up; to keep secret, to withold from the knowledge of.' The Concise English Dictionary.

I've included an audio visual version of surrender on the video bar opposite.

I'm so excited - my first blog!

If you could see me now! I'm practically hopping in my squeeky computer seat. I'm quite an excitable person though really and when a lovely young girl called Nicola advised me to get a blog last night after church I just couldn't contain my excitement. Poor thing, she didn't know quite what to make of a nearly middle-aged-mother jumping up and down in front of her, still she was polite and interested and most of all encouraging. Thanks Nicola! I became bouncy for two reasons, firstly because of a lack of computer literacy I was mostly unaware of this 'blogging lark' and I'm always excited to learn something new. Secondly, because I've wanted to write for women for a while and not only did she take my idea seriously (there were no audiable snorts or supressed giggles) but the lovely girl gave me lots of ideas of how to make my dream a reality, VERY exciting. This is stage one, writing a blog. Now all I need is someone to read it! Maybe Nicola will.

Excitement is a great thing. You can get excited about all sorts of things, Wimbledon seems to be exciting a lot of people at the moment. I've got a friend who's rather excited about a replacement for washing detergent, a product called eco-balls. Me, I can get excited about plenty of things; chocolate,a night out without the children, any girly film you care to name, a freebie - irrespective of it's use or value, a sale bargain, a new book. Excitement is one of those feelings that is also infectious, it seems to rub off other people straight onto me, so far I've escaped Wimbledon and eco-balls.

I've been reading a great book called 'The confident woman' by Joyce Meyer - a Christian writer who observes women to be 'feeling orientated' and I believe there's plenty of evidence to back that up, well there is in my house anyway. The point is that I've been excited about the same thing for an extremely long time, in fact for 15 years. Ordinary excitement doesn't last that long. In a couple of weeks after wimbledon's courts are treated and covered for another year and the pictures of the winners with their trophies are all in the recycling, that particular excitement will well and truely have passed. But I and lots of very wonderful people I know and millions like them have a source of constant excitement, the type that lasts. I'm talking about God of course. God and everything about him - His son, my saviour Jesus, the Bible, the fact that God's holy Spirit lives in me, I'm excited about worshipping God, talking with God, talking about God, singing to God and about God, working for God, what God has done, what God is doing. There is something to get excited about.

If this were natural it would have faded, but as it's source is supernatural it's a feeling I will never get tired of and will never want to exchange for another source of excitement. In fact as I've been reminded several times recently in fantastic sermons (though not exactly in these words!) excitement about God will satisfy me through my life and see me into eternity. I'm excited about that too, because there I'll be totally satisfied - not just excited about God but WITH him.

I'm constantly being challenged to demonstrate this excitement more, especially to my friends who haven't yet considered God as exciting. I do pray that God will continue to excite me, I pray that this will be a feeling that obvious to others I spend time with and will spread and rub off me onto them. I hope those others get excited and are in eternity with me. I hope I've excited you, with God. This very well know verse, the spark of my excitement those 15 years ago has many times excited me since because I know I'm included in the 'whoever': 'For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.' John 3:16

'excite (ek sit') To rouse, to stir into action, energy, or agitation;to stimulate, to bring into activity;to inflame the spirits of; to provoke, to bring about by stimulation;' The concise English dictionary